


Dress Me In Your Moonlight.

by fearless_seas



Series: the crooked pieces of our galaxy [3]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Fights, Happy Ending, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-19 02:49:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19347988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fearless_seas/pseuds/fearless_seas
Summary: All it took was three words for Lewis to tell Sebastian all he ever wanted to hear.





	Dress Me In Your Moonlight.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a request from anonymous on Tumblr! Thank you! I am finally off school and have more time to write :)

“I love you.”

The words feel so foreign to you. So foreign it catches you in your tracks. There is a hand clutching at your wrist, tugging you backwards. You hear his heavy breathing, you sense his desperation as it buries itself into his words. But you don’t turn around. Not even as he begins to plead with every fiber of himself.

“Sebastian… please.”

You shut your eyes. A brief moment of clarity in the sweaty heat in the parking lot.  Perhaps it’s how you know his eyes are filling with tears; how his voice cracks under the weight of his own sorrow, even as… you feel how  badly he needs you .

“Please…”

You keep your eyes shut. The air around you is so still you can sense the evening air gently brushing your hair. All you do is remember.

It is Baku, 2017. Ever since the night on the balcony, his attention follows you everywhere. In each interview when your back  is turned or when you  intentionally do not look to him. You’re trying hard to suppress whatever softness for him may  be tempted to boil to the surface. Whenever you turn your back, you recall his expression a few meters away. Australia. You looked to him and he smiled--and by god if you felt something there.  When you returned to your hotel room that night you collapsed in a fear, an utter and inexplicable terror of what you’d felt flutter back to you . You recalled sentences, phrases from the worst of your fights and all your darker moments.

**** _“I think you should leave.”_

How he pushed you away and now more than anything he’s forcing you close.

_“You won’t tell anyone about this.”_

How he denied his affection, dismissed you and now every chance he presses himself to you.

 **** _“You’re different.”_

How he told you this when he begged for you.

How he said you made him want things he can never have.

How he says you had changed--that you had altered what made him in the most beautiful ways.

But never once did he admit he loves you.

Not one damn time.

The tensions seeped over in that race. Both of you banging and charging each other into the corner. Your penalty. The anger. The darkness of his eyes mocking you without verses. A large piece of you wanting to punch him. But you noticed it for a brief moment: the sadness. Hidden like a faltering flame deep within himself. You wished more than anything to cradle it, to hold that flicker in your beaten and calloused hands. To shelter him, to hold him--to have  _ him _ . But even as you search, as you pry every dusty crevice of your mind: you do not discover gold.  The cruel words: deep ridges of bruising his nails left in the flesh of your back.The mean spirited dismissal of his affection: the hurt he caused you .  But you still find yourself coming back to his smile; the rich hue of his skin beneath the sun and the charcoal bite his eyes made when they peered at you .

Lewis caught up to you after the race. You were preparing to leave but he placed a hand on your shoulder to stop you. You knew without turning around who it was because you’d felt it so many times-- _dreamed_ of it. Eyes meet and the sun casts its fallen shadows over the city streets. He says your name, “Sebastian”, And you realize you missed how you sounded on his tongue.

Immediately, your anger peaks. “What do you want?”, you bark, somehow calm but firm.

Your tone takes him off guard and Lewis slides his hand off of your shoulder  slowly and  reluctantly . His expression transforms, his brows narrowing and his eyes regaining their steely composure. “You haven’t apologized yet,” he utters  coldly .

The anger tempts you, pricking at your veins as it rises  hotly into your cheeks. If it were anyone else you would’ve apologized hours ago, left without another word. So you dismiss your emotions. You toss away your pain to the wind for a moment and you treat him as you would any other man.

“Well,” you nod curtly, “I am very sorry for how I acted.”

Lewis appears startled. He expected you to snap, to push him away, to swear or even to punch him. The depression drips back into his vision as he appears more lost than he ever had before. Even on the balcony, under the moonlight and his yearning for you itching at his trigger fingers. The silence pools heavy between you two. As past lovers. As racers. As rivals. As only… men. Alone. And alone without meaning.

“Goodnight, Lewis.”

He doesn’t force you back. But oh how you wanted him to.

You turn away from him again as you have done so many times.

He speaks something to you across the distance before you can leave him. He draws you back as he always managed. He says what you’ve always wanted him to say. What you’ve craved. The words blossom a flower, a field you’ve passed through only in the paradise of a dream.

“I love you.”

You freeze. Even as he approaches you from behind and his lips caress the shell of your ear. His hand slips forward to cradle your wrist. Not to hold you there, not for  force--only because he wants a single piece of you in his desiring hands. You’re back where you were before.

“Sebastian… please.”

Before you shut your eyes.

“Please…”

You keep your eyes shut.

The first time he made love to you and the bitterness of his touch blurring the line between every kiss… every embrace…

The first time you slept together with your fingers twisting in the charms of his hair…

And with those: the first time he asked you to leave.

“I beg you.”

In one swift action you twist yourself around. Your eyes meet and he appears startled by your reaction. “No,” you growl, “You don’t understand, and you never fucking will.” Your fists quiver, tremor by your sides with a furious fervency that you never knew hid in your bones. “You will never,  _ ever _ fucking know how many hours I’ve spent hurt for last ten years.” Tears brim the lines of your eyes and you swear to god saw him biting back a sob.  “You’ll never know how many hours I spent wanting you, thinking you were mine only for you to throw me out--a kid, only a kid,” you put your head down .  He'll never know how many nights you spent tracing the muscle on his back, or how you'd long memorizing every blemish on his skin . “I changed because of you. You changed me in the worst ways, Lewis.” You sense his collapse at the sound of his name and a silence that begged to be anything but permeated.

Lewis tightens his grip around you, his chest inches from your back. You can almost remember exactly how his heartbeat felt between your caressing fingertips. He tries to tell you: _My mouth, my eyes, my hands are mine. But me? I’m yours._ “I love you. I always have. And I should’ve told you a long time ago.” He lets go of your wrist and you suddenly feel cold. “I have championships. I have gold. I have everything I ever wanted but you. Because you? Sebastian… I need you.” And all you ever wanted was to be loved. “If you don’t listen to a word I say, I understand. I only want you to know I’m sorry.” For hurting you again and again. Is that why he pulled his hands away from you? He was afraid of hurting you once again? “I am yours. Eternally.” As the stars belong in the sky as the waves in the ocean… as your heart in your chest. You hear him stepping away leaving, you feel him leaving. The whisper of I’m sorry filling the messy, broken void.

The sun catches on your eyelashes and you open your eyes. Everything is still and there is not a voice or body around. In the distance, the city settles into an evening slumber mixed with color, light and love. You think how you both are melted and molded: one. That you yearn to mix your honeyed sunshine with the moonlight that drifted over his skin on the balcony. Him leaving provided you with most beautiful lie you could’ve ever hoped for. You hate, more than anything, how much you still love him with the dust of who you are, the skin you’ve always worn--body and soul. But even more? You hate that he keeps trying to have you after all these years. 

What makes you chase him was one simple remembrance. The first moment in his life that Lewis smiled at you first. How you finally forget that you were never meant to be together at all. That there was no accident to your meeting. A blind spark drives you forward, a flame of hope--and it welded you together. When you finally catch up to him, Lewis widened his eyes in surprise. But before he can speak a word, you kiss him--long and dark as though making up for wasted moments. After a second of shock, he melts into your arms, his hands rising to hold your face. He traces his fingertips over your cheekbones, his breaths murmured with promises that he’ll never push you away if you swear to never leave.

“Your suffering is mine,” you both say as you kiss the words off quivering lips. He only holds you in his arms in the sunset on the city streets. The pillars of glass and concrete swallowed away by your love. It’s true: I can be anywhere as long as I have you.

“Sebastian…”, Lewis says your name another time.

“How do I know this isn’t a dream?”, you whisper.

He smiles. “We share the same sky.”

The sun dips one final time for the night as you prepare to dress yourself in the glow of his moonlight. You know now, more than anything, how he cannot survive without your sunshine.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed! If you did please leave a comment, some kudos and let me know how much you enjoyed it! My Tumblr is @pieregasly if you want to check that out. Also lmao finally a happy ending again in this series.


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